IVF: the importance of a support network

I haven’t written about this yet and for me it is one of the most important things to put in place when you are faced with a challenging or difficult situation. The thing with IVF is that you don’t want everyone to know – or at least I didn’t. It’s not that I’m a secretive person but some things are just more personal. A support network is essential when you’re going through IVF. It’s not the kind of thing you can get through totally alone.

During the first cycle one or two people other than my husband knew. After it failed a couple more knew and then when I embarked on the second and subsequent failed cycle I told a few more. On the other hand a couple of people in my support network are actually members without even knowing it. They have no idea about my struggles yet they have helped in more ways than they will ever know.

The first people to know were my mum and sister.  My mum has been a tower of strength throughout although as a mother of four, she always expects it to work out for me. She never had any issues getting pregnant – it was more a case of trying not to get pregnant for her. She had her difficulties along the way though and suffered several miscarriages and a still born baby shortly after she had me. While she hasn’t had the same challenges, she has had her fair share of upset and sadness. She gets the whole infertility thing and the feeling of hopelessness and desperation it brings.

My sister was great too and although we don’t chat much she is always there and never judges.

The rest of my support network are a bit of a mixture so I will list them below and fill you in on the part they have played over the next few weeks. If there is anyone in particular you would like to find out more about just pop me a comment below.

3 x long term friends who I have known for a very long time and who prop me up when I am losing the will with it all. These are friends from my pre-IVF life.

The friend who had two failed cycles and now has twins – I met her at yoga pre IVF just after she had her twins. She writes an amazing blog and has been an amazing support to me along the way.

The friend who is going through IVF at the moment – I met her on an IVF forum and we chat on a regular basis about monitoring cycles, blood tests, managing work commitments. All the stuff that people who don’t live in an IVF World just don’t get.

The social buddy – a lady who I have been following closely on Instagam who had multiple failed cycles, suffers with endometriosis but now has twins!!

My yoga teacher – an angel. That’s all I can say about her

My yoga teacher’s training partner – kind of a big deal in the yoga and fertility World who has been trying her best to help me relax and chill.

My acupuncturist – another angel in so many ways

My 97 year old Gran in Law – she suffered with the perils of infertility many years ago so naturally, she just gets it.

My work colleague – she makes me laugh all the time. The funniest, smartest free spirit you could meet. She knows nothing of my battle yet she has helped me in so many ways.

My personal trainer – no, I don’t have a bottomless money pit but after my last failed cycle decided it was either anti-depressants or a new fitness routine. The fitness part won and my personal trainer is great.

The writer – I have read more than my fair share of infertility based books along the way but Emma Cannon is my favourite. It also turns out she was taught yoga by my yoga teachers training partner and also provided the yoga chapters for her book. Small World we live in.

And that, I think, is it for now. I’m sure it will grow as we go along but I thought I’d share with you this evening. Like I mentioned at the start, I will write about the different gurus along the way so that you can find out a bit more about then and the part they have played in helping me.

Do you have a support network to help you along the way? Have you kept your journey private? Or maybe you just tell it like it is and everyone knows. It’s such a personal thing, I actually don’t think there is a right or wrong answer. As ever I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Decisions: Work and IVF

I’ve always been a career girl I guess. I’m lucky enough to have chosen to work in a field I love and it has enriched my life in many ways. I have learnt so much over the years. I’ve travelled to some great places, met some great people, had meetings and client lunches in some truly beautiful places. In fact I’ve even won an award or two along the way. It’s been a real blast.

But nobody ever looks back on their life saying they wish they had spent more time in the office. Perhaps maybe if they have their own business but even then I think it’s probably iffy. Life is about moments, it’s about fun and laughter, but mostly these days, for me at least,  it’s about family. .

It’s more or less twelve months to the day since I began to think about IVF and as I prepared for my first cycle nothing else really mattered anymore. Yes I loved my job but in the grand scheme of things there were bigger fish to fry.

So here I am. Ex career girl for now. Wondering how I will juggle a demanding job and a potential IVF cycle in London. Something has to give and for me it has to be the career. I’m not saying I want to give up work forever and truly if there was a way I could juggle all the appointments and travel with work then perhaps I might.

But then again this is my life now. It’s My IVF Life. It has to come first and I have to give it every single chance of working. Stressed out days juggling meetings and paperwork along with staff, stakeholders and all the other problems that pop up along the way. I know I am making the right choice in saying I need some time out.

I tried working through my cycles last year and to some degree it worked but on the other hand I got so poorly. I needed so much time off and then felt terrible guilt. Then of course the cycle failed anyway and I had even more guilt and what ifs.Work was the last place I wanted to be and family life became even more important to me.

No, it’s definite now. Next cycle I will be freelance for a while. I am lucky that in my industry freelance and contract work is available so that will be what I’ll do when the time is right. For now my priorities lie with my IVF world and the possibilities that could bring.

Sorry it’s a ramble but I really wanted to share. This is such a hard road and those that make it through the normal way are very lucky.

Did you find working alongside IVF tough? Did you end up reconsidering everything like I have? Perhaps you work flexitime or from home – if you do I’m jealous.

Life can be tough for working mums but I can’t help but feel it’s even harder for those going through IVF.

xxx

IVF: Book Club

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while now. The thing with IVF is that it makes you just a little bit paranoid. You’re investing so much time, money and emotion into it that you really don’t want to do anything wrong. So you need to have some activities to stop the stress monsters from taking over. If you’re anything like me as soon as you get five minutes you’ll be googling like a crazy person. At one point I was even banned from googling by my acupuncture therapist but that will have to be a story for another day!

As I mentioned in my previous post I didn’t feel comfortable with exercising during IVF so I had to think about other things to do to keep my mind on board (and out of IVF chat rooms!) Don’t get me wrong, chat rooms and talking with like minded people who are in the same boat as you can be really therapeutic and helpful. I have met and chatted to many lovely ladies. But once IVF has started I always think that keeping your mind as positive as possible is the only way to get through. Even the slightest whiff of negativity can send your mind into overdrive particularly when you have all of those drugs swishing around inside you. Rational thinking really does go out the window – well it did for me anyway.

So one of the things that always kept me occupied is reading. I have always been a fan of books and when you need to keep calm there is nothing like losing yourself in a good book. I like cheerful happy books with a bit of intrigue and romance thrown in there too. I must admit I like a good read so anything which isn’t well written doesn’t normally last long with me. I once read that the biggest waste of time is persevering with a book which you don’t like. I live by that motto now so if I don’t like it, I just get rid! Here are three to get you started:

I Capture the Castle – Dodie Smith

A poignant, warm novel about a family living in a crumbling castle during the 1930’s. It’s a tale of love, heartbreak and basically growing up and is written in the voice of young Cassandra who is the heroine of the story.  I’m actually still reading this book at the moment and I absolutely love it. I think everyone of us will see something of our young selves in Cassandra.

Me Before You – Jojo Moyes

If you haven’t read this book yet you really should. I steered clear of it for a long time as my sister is in a wheelchair and I worried that it would all be a bit too close to home. But it really is a beautiful book about a young girl who goes to work as a carer for a man who had an accident and is in a wheelchair. For it’s sad parts it really is uplifting and encourages you to grab life and get on with it. I read this shortly after my first failed IVF cycle and it made me realise that I needed to fight on. There is no time to wallow in sadness.

If God was a Rabbit – Sarah Winman

This is another great read. It covers so many subjects in one book and is another poignant and engaging story. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever read before and kept me up reading when I should have turned out the light. It is essentially a story about Elly and Joe, a bother and sister growing up in Cornwall. I don’t want to say too much as I don’t want to spoil the story but I think you will enjoy it.

Did you find reading helped during your IVF cycle? Do you have any good book recommendations? We could get a bit of a reading group going on here perhaps. x

IVF: Do I exercise during treatment

Ordinarily if I was feeling stressed or under pressure I’d do some exercise. I’d either pound the streets on a nice long run, or I’d get into the gym and wear myself out with some weights or a fitness class. During IVF I didn’t want to do either of these things. If I’m honest I was just too scared of causing myself damage or reducing the success of the cycle. It’s probably crazy but there are so many mixed reviews on the internet that I decided to be cautious and not do anything.

This may have been my downfall of course. Maybe a good gym session could have done me the World of good. But I was just too scared.

In the months since my last failed cycle I have upped the amount of regular exercise I’ve been doing, in the hope that when I come to start my next cycle I will have a really good base level of fitness. This will mean that I can continue, all be it at a slower pace, during IVF.

Did you find that exercise helped during your IVF cycle, or like me did you take it easy?

I don’t know what’s the best thing really but I know that under normal circumstances I love a bit of exercise. In her book, Zita West recommends not exercising and I don’t think Emma Cannon is an advocate either. My consultant said it was ok but that I shouldn’t run a marathon. Hmmm helpful.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and any advice you might able to share with me.

x

Endometriosis: You are a pain

For the first time ever my period was late. That in itself brought with it a multitude of feelings and emotions. Was I actually pregnant naturally after all I had been through?

After two weeks secretly wondering and desperately wanting to do a test and find out for sure, my period started to arrive and alas all my hopes and dreams ended again. I think deep down I knew I wasn’t pregnant but I quite like the feeling that it was somehow within the realms of possibility.

Since then the pain has increased each day until yesterday I could stand it no longer. Suddenly the reality of an ectopic pregnancy really did start to concern me. I went to see my doctor who did a couple of tests and as I sit here now I am waiting for the results of a blood test just to be certain.

I doubt it is ectopic but the pain is pretty severe and leading me to wonder what is going on. Following my last operation in 2013 the pain had improved considerably. I really hope the adhesions aren’t coming back again.

It got me thinking. We have just passed Christmas. I have eaten lots of naughty things that I normally wouldn’t eat at all, or if I did it would only be in very small quantities. Things like bread, biscuits, cake and cheese – lots of cheese. So, perhaps the link between what you eat and endo pain is true. Maybe by eating less of these things my pain may reduce again.

Before I start worrying that the pain is back I intend to sort my diet out. I am also going to begin taking some of my supplements again as recommended by Melanie Brown. Melanie is a nutritionist who helped me enormously during my second IVF cycle and recommended a whole range of supplements and dietary changes. I think it is time to get back on the healthy eating band wagon for a while and see if that helps.

From now on I will:

• Eliminate bread completely
• Stop eating cakes and biscuits
• Reduce the amount of red meat
• Reduce the amount of dairy I eat
• Increase the number of vegetables
• Eat more protein such as chicken and fish to keep me fuller for longer
• Start eating eggs again

Do you find altering your diet helps you?

Have you found that your periods are more painful when you eat wheat and gluten?

I think studies have been carried out linking gluten to more intense period pain in endo sufferers. If this month is anything to go by, I’d say it’s pretty likely.

As ever I’d love to hear your comments. This is a new blog and it can feel a bit lonely at times.

x

Positivity: A journal on Instagram

Shortly after my first IVF cycle failed I began a little online journal on Instagram. It seemed as good a place as any to start and I wasn’t sure if I could commit to writing a blog, especially when my life was in so much turmoil. So I started documenting a few things on my Instagram feed. Photos of places I visited, diets and supplements I tried, and a few motivational quotes in there too.

Perhaps you might like to have a little look. All you need to do is search myivfworld on Instagram and I will pop up.

As with the blog, I took a little break from my Instagram feed during my IVF holiday but I’m back and raring to go again now. Life is feeling quite good again. This is despite spending time at the doctors today and having blood tests for a possible Ectopic pregnancy. Yes, that old chestnut again. I’ll fill you in on it all later this week.

Bye for now.

Positivity: Do you need an IVF holiday?

I began writing this blog in October last year approximately two months after my second failed IVF cycle. The feeling of desperation and sheer disappointment was unlike anything I had ever experienced, and I would have given anything for it to work for us. But it didn’t, so there I was left with only an injection marked stomach and a box of broken dreams, I mean vials, to show for it.

I decided to start a blog so that I could perhaps help others on a similar journey. When I started out on the road towards IVF a year ago this month there was little in the way of inspiring information out there. There were plenty of good stories and even more bad stories but nothing I could really relate to. I just wanted the facts. I wanted to know what it would really feel like to go through a cycle of IVF. How ill would I feel. How tired would I be. And, would I really be as grumpy and miserable as I thought I might be when I was on down regulation drugs?

So I got off to a fairly good start, I wrote a bit and gave a bit of background information about myself – I even had a comment from a very lovely reader, (hooray someone found my blog and read it), and then I kind of well, stopped.  The truth is I needed some time out. I needed a break from IVF for a while. My google search engine gave up the ghost and I finally exhausted everything out there to read and obsess over. Well that’s an exaggeration but you get what I mean. My brain was frazzled and my mind needed time off. In the words of my uber wise Yoga Teacher and Mentor – I needed an IVF holiday.

The funny thing is, during the darkest days I always longed for a bit of positivity. I longed to able to look on the brightside and imagine my own little family. I’m usually a fairly positive person but not it seemed where fertility was concerned.

Imagine my surprise when I heard myself saying to my husband that I must get on with my blog. I need to do it while I’m waiting for the IVF to work and I’m still in the IVF World. That I think may just have been my first positive thought ever where IVF and fertility is concerned.

So there we have it. I’m back. I’ve had my IVF holiday and I am ready to share my experiences with you. As I head towards my third IVF cycle I pray it works but in the meantime I promise to share my story in the hope it may also help you.

Reflections: What it really feels like when your IVf cycle fails

I’ve been wondering whether or not to write this blog post for a while now. The subject isn’t the cheeriest and when you’re trying to write a positive blog you don’t really want to be filling it with doom and gloom.

But I want you to know that in amongst the sadness there are also positives to be taken from failed cycles. Obviously when I set out on this journey I always hoped the IVF would work first time, afterall I’m still reasonably young, I’m healthy (ish) and my husband has no known issues. In fact you could go as far as to say he has the gold star in fertility terms. An embryologist even described him as being sperm donar quality. His mother would be so proud (!)

Of course the IVF didn’t work first time, and neither did it work second time. I was left in a limbo situation torn between total devastation and anger, and using all my strength I had to muster up some positivity. The grey days were pretty bleak and very very tough. I spent hours in our bedroom and if I’m totally honest if I could have stayed in bed for the rest of the year I think I probably would have done.

They say that times of trauma can push couples apart or bring them closer together and I thank God I have a wonderful caring husband who has been my rock through this process.

So for my husband (and I guess deep down for myself too) I got myself up. I did my hair, I put on my make up and I tried to be as normal as I possibly could. I have an inquisitive mind and I like to research which is pretty challenging when you get into the IVF World. There is so much out there to read about and so many opinions to consider. I would be lying completely if I said I no longer researched at all, but I made a pact to try some new hobbies and interests to keep my mind busy.

I started with a sewing course at my local college. I’ve always wanted to learn to make my own blinds and curtains so I enrolled on a course. I’m now close to finishing my first patchwork quilt and although there have been times I have felt like launching my sewing machine out of the nearest window I am genuinely enjoying it.

I bought some crochet needles and signed up to a weekend course to learn to crochet. I’ve lost count of the number of granny squares I have made! It’s addictive.

I read books. Good, interesting, uplifting books. Books that keep you up reading way after you should have turned out the light and drifted off to sleep.

And I spent time with friends. My best friends. The kind who can prop you up when you need some extra help. They’ve listened to me cry, shout and get angry and they’ve made me laugh when I needed to lighten up.

The second failed cycle was much harder than the first. I had more hope going into the second cycle. They were going to try drugs to help me and I worked really hard to eat a super healthy diet. I spent a small fortune on supplements in fact in the hope I would have the result I dreamt of.

But it still failed and I was back to where I had been a few months previously. This time I had far less hope and began to wonder if it would ever work out for me.

In the weeks following the failed cycle I have had to work hard to cheer up. I’ve continued with my hobbies and I’ve spent lots of time with friends and family. My husband and I had a lovely weekend away and we hope to have another little holiday before the end of the year.

In 2015 we plan to start our next round of treatment but in the meantime I will continue with all of my new hobbies. The failed cycles have been horrid but in amongst the sadness I feel like I have found myself. It might sound a bit corny and even a little bit unbelievable but the main positive I have found from this dreadfully difficult situation is simple time just to be me.

Prior to the failed IVF I was on a treadmill of work, sleep and hospital  treatment. Now, for a while at least, I am taking some time just to be me. I am hopeful that with my powers of epic research I will find a good hospital who can tailor a treatment plan to help me.

This has turned into a long old post and I hope I haven’t rambled too much. I just want you to know that if you have had a failed cycle the grey days do lift and with it comes a sense of strength that might surprise you.

ARGC London: The best IVF clinic in the UK?

I recently visited ARGC the clinic with the highest IVF success rates in the UK. Months of research led me to the clinic and as much as I have resisted due to the distance, intensity of treatment, and of course, cost I decided it was time to visit. After two failed IVF cycles and an increasing lack of confidence in my previous clinic – not because they are not good, but because they are more geared towards helping more standard fertility issues.

Much has been written about ARGC and the internet forums are packed full of ladies who are either eagerly awaiting treatment, are mid treatment or have had successful treatment at the clinic. They have a prestigious reputation and their tailored IVF approach is certainly not for the feint hearted.

Of course none of this comes cheap and for each cycle you are looking at paying upwards of £10k, particularly if, like me, you may have an autoimmune component. I am under no illusion that an ARGC cycle will be very expensive.

The clinic itself is certainly not the swanky set up you may expect. Various celebrities are known to have had IVF cycles at ARGC including Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster, so you would be forgiven for thinking it would be all sparkling and new with doctors to hold your hand through the whole process. But behind the blue scrubs are a team of people dedicated to the end goal of giving their patients a baby. Couples who are at the end of the road and after numerous failed attempts are given fresh hope by the team at ARGC.

The doctor we met was no exception and his straight talking, matter of fact approach immediately made me sit up and take notice. They say immune issues are likely to be my problem  and this came as no surprise due to my history of previous infection and known problems with endometriosis and hypothyroidism.

But the thing that impressed me most about ARGC was the monitoring they are able to offer post embryo transfer. This is the most crucial time for me and when the problems seem to start. On both IVF cycles I have bled before official test day and on my last cycle, despite taking steroids and gestone injections, I bled even earlier.

The promise of extra tests and monitoring really appealed to me and although I was also very impressed with Care Nottingham – and believe me they are much easier to get to than ARGC, I can’t help but lean towards ARGC now. I need someone who can really help my individual case and more importantly I need to find someone I have confidence in.

Have you been a patient at ARGC? Have you visited the clinic?

Like me, are you on journey to find someone who can offer help for your complex needs?

For now I will continue on my journey of research but its looking very much like ARGC will be the clinic for me.

To view more about ARGC and their success rates click here!

Endometriosis: the diagnosis

I have suffered at ‘that time of the month’ for as long as I can remember. In fact it’s the odd times when I haven’t suffered that stick out in my mind more. Quite often I ended up at A&E at the local hospital doubled up in pain and not knowing when I would get respite and when it would start to ease. Back then the conversations were always quite similar.

Nurse: I think it could be an ectopic pregnancy

Mum and I: But she doesn’t have a boyfriend yet and she is only 17

Nurse: Well lets just do a quick test and if it comes back clear we can organise some pain killers.

This pattern went on for a long time and it wasn’t until shortly after my 21st birthday that I had a diagnostic laparoscopy and they discovered that the culprit of the pain was a condition called endometriosis.  Endometriosis wasn’t as widely known about as it is now and they often said that it was only older ladies who hadn’t had children that got it. Nothing to do with the fact that it was the older ladies who were struggling to have children and then got diagnosed of course though…

It’s a horrible condition and I have lost count of the days out, nights out, events, school days, birthdays that I have missed out on. These days – thank goodness, I find the pain more manageable. I sometimes wonder if it is just the fact that I have learnt to live with it mind you.

So, I was thinking what advice I would give to people who might be reading this and wondering if they have endometriosis. Of course it varies from person to person. Some people may have no pain and only discover they have endometriosis when they fail to conceive and the fertility investigations begin. Others like me suffer terrible pain each month and are forced to fight for a diagnosis at a much younger age. My symptoms were largely based around severe pain and heavy uncomfortable periods. My periods were fairly irregular and actually continued for most of the month prior to me going on the pill to control them. The pain itself was very intense and strangely enough seemed to emanate from the top of my stomach rather than lower down like you would imagine. It didn’t come as a surprise when I discovered I had adhesions on my liver last year.

The oddest pain was the stabbing pain which seemed to come from my bowels. It literally took my breath away and I would struggle to walk when it really took hold. Thankfully this doesn’t happen too much these days but when I was younger it was a regular problem.

On the more gruesome side of things I have always suffered with blood clots and again I think this is a sign of endometriosis. In total I have had three operations to treat the endometriosis, one of which took a long time to recover from. The latest one was last year and thankfully the recovery was much quicker. I worked really hard to prepare myself mentally as well as physically. I practised yoga on a regular basis, had acupuncture and reflexology and I do think it all helped.

I’d love to hear your comments if you have endometriosis too or perhaps you haven’t been diagnosed yet but have painful periods. Maybe you might like some advice or even have some advice you might like to pass on.

Endometriosis is a hard debilitating condition and people suffer with varying degrees of it. Thankfully these days it is a far more recognised problem and people talk about it a lot more. Don’t suffer in silence and fight for a diagnosis is the best piece of advice I can offer.

Mrs R x